4 Straight-Up Lies Movies Tell Teens About High School

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When you’re about to enter the hormone-fueled thunderdome that is high school, there are very few happenings that can act as your guide. You’re far too cool to listen to anything that your parents or educators have to say about the issue, so most of your guidance comes from the coked-up Sherpa known as pop culture. Sadly, you usually have to postgraduate before you learn that movies are full of filthy lies. For speciman …


Getting Drunk Will Make You So Popular

Screenwriters use a messed-up version of the transitive dimension to get from “Popular teenagers drink” to “Drinking must make you refrigerate! ” Cooly is unquestionably one of the seven dwarves of booze, but so are Pukey, Sleepy, Angry, Sad-y, Horny, and Doc. Doc is when you have to go to the doctor because you decided to jump on a trampoline while you were drunkard. You never know which dwarf you’re coming, but only one of them makes people looks just like you. The respite ever do the opposite.

Yet teenage movies seem to have this idea that if you’re a geek, it’s only because you aren’t pissed fairly. The good speciman of this is in Can’t Hardly Wait . Nerdy Will comes drunk for the first time ever, and abruptly grows so goddamn chill that a group of his peers actually praise him for interrupting their party to lip sync “Paradise City” while wearing a tan polo shirt.

I feel like I can very objectively say that good-for-nothing he’s doing is refrigerate, despite the fact that he is evoked as Bacchus, idol of wine-colored, revelry, and late ‘9 0s style trends.

You can see the same transformation on a smaller magnitude in Paper Towns , when geeky Ben goes pissed and ends up doing a cask accept while a bunch of jocks clap him on. He then makes a monstrous sword out of brew cans and knights his friend.

20 th Century Fox

20 th Century Fox

20 th Century Fox Holy shit, alcohol is terrifying! I should drink it every day for the rest of “peoples lives”!

Absolutely no one opens him an atomic wedgie for this, despite that being the scientifically accurate road to resolve the scene. Movies haven’t accurately figured out that you don’t going to be prom king after ten seconds of light intoxicated interaction with the football team.

In 10 Things I Dislike About You , America’s cool older sister Julia Stiles comes drunk and dances on a counter. It’s admittedly a fairly damn cool dance, but everyone is supposed to loathe and suspicion her, and they’re suddenly just like “Sure, I’ll move my beer so you can cha-cha slither or whatever.” Alcohol can do some magical events for parties, but it’s not notoriety juice.

Touchstone Pictures Poor Heath Ledger’s nervously eyeing for the purposes of an exit into a less cliched scene.


A Live Band Will Play At Your School Dances

Maybe I’m the only person who’s indignant about this, but I grew up accepting live straps toy at all school dances all the time. Imagine my mortification when I found out that my academy really had a DJ, and his list was Principal Owens, and we eventually changed him with an iPod. I can’t decide if that’s more or less cool.

I then assumed that if I went to a larger school, I would get the high school dance experience I deserved. Imagine my amaze when I started dating a chap who went to a school with 2,000 students and no live banding to infuse their affairs with the suitable amount of pop culture relevancy. What grants? There are so many live bandings in teenage movies that The Donnas, an early 2000 s all-female punk circle, is put forward in two of them: Drive Me Crazy

20 th Century Fox

… and Jawbreaker .

TriStar Pictures

Although they go by the name The Electrocutes in Drive Me Crazy . Continue that in thinker the next time you attend a trivia light hosted by Melissa Joan Hart.

And it’s not only clas dances that go whole hog and pay for live music in teen movies. Matt Damon presents the least-convincing lip-syncing concert I’ve ever seen as the frontman of a fictional punk ensemble that toy at a house party in the opening up of the movie Eurotrip .

Which announces into question: What live parties are these screenwriters going to? And what transcendent strips are they find there? Whenever I disappear, it’s exactly a dude with a guitar secretly hoping that people will sing along when he starts to play “Wagon Wheel.”

Even the Yule Ball in Harry Potter And The Goblet Of Fire has a full stripe, and that nature has magic and shit! They could just occult all the instruments to play-act, but nope, Harry Potter needs to have his Obligatory Teen Movie Moment, so Hogwarts went out of its road to find a trendy stripe that really dallies psalms about what it’s like to go to fucking Hogwarts.

They chipped the place in which Ron goes squandered on butterbeer and lip syncs “Fuck Tha Police.”


Professors Are Obsessed With Their Students’ Personal Lives

I have so many friends who are coaches, and let me say to you, they are just weighing down the hours until they can go home and take their gasps off like the rest of us. They want to be accessible and helpful to their students, but they don’t obsess over them the mode teachers in the movies do.

For instance, they wouldn’t go to a student’s super illegal lag hasten and hearten them on like the store schoolteacher does in Grease . She shouldn’t be there!( Side indicate: I enjoy her attribute. A female supermarket teach who wears beads and fancy earrings with her jumpsuit? Nice, Grease !) But as clever as Mrs. Murdock is, drag racing is a crime, and she was likely to refrain from facilitating her students prepare to commit that crime real good and then praising them on while they do it.

Then you’ve got the insane Mr. Rooney in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off , who leaves clas and depletes the part daytime trying to catching a single student in a lie. There were a good deal of other students in that school, man.


And I’m not even sure what a dean of students specifically does, but taking an part date to haunt over one teenager has to be leaving some paperwork not-done. Unless he’s actually been devoting the whole epoch crowding out anatomy 236 -C, and it requires you to break into a student’s home to terminated it?

In the end of Fast Time At Ridgemont High , the history teacher shows up at Sean Penn’s house to angrily magnetism learning down his throat right before a school dance. Cause me think of all the times a schoolteacher has shown up at my house when I was in academy. This may come as a stun to you, but never. Not once. No schoolteacher , no matter how endlessly inspirational they were, has in the past are going to my home unannounced to ensure that I was schooling harder. I don’t mean to diss the education system, but I don’t see most educators are that dedicated.

Universal Pictures

Universal Pictures Even people who are paid millions of dollars forestall hanging out with Sean Penn unless utterly required to.


The Popular Kids Are Doomed To Guide Crappy Adult Lives

Every teen movie with an postscript utilizes it to give a good dig at the popular jerks’ desolate future. Mike Damone comes caught scalping tickets and terminates up working at a 7-11 in Fast Times At Ridgemont High . We’re told Mike Dexter( a great deal of assholes are specified Mike, apparently) becomes an alcoholic who washes automobiles after the events of Can’t Hardly Wait . Biff from Back To The Future … likewise gale up bathing cars for a living? Screenwriters must see this as the eventual punishment.

Universal Pictures “Hey, remember when I tried to crimes your bride? Man, crazy hours. Anyway, I’ll get back to work.”

It’s what we want — justice for all the times those favourite assholes were popular assholes at us. The stuff is, sometimes favourite people kind of rule at life. Popularity is often shorthand for “people knowledge, ” and that often stanch from being aggressive and/ or physically handsome, all of which is really, truly beneficial in the adult world.

We mentioned Mike Dexter up there. He was a jolt in Can’t Hardly Wait , but he was also good enough at football to get a scholarship to college. Parishes tend to have a long recollection when it comes to people who were good at athletics. In my hometown, football players are the closest things to neighbourhood luminaries we have. Mike would have to screw up pretty badly to not be able to acre a cushy chore at a local car dealership there, even if he put out of college. So what did Mike do?

Columbia Image

Columbia Situation I necessary a Cant Hardly Wait 2 , in which we experience … the murders .

The Mikes of the real world will learn to restrain a hold, play golf, and get good professions from their frat alumnus, directing overtime to figure out how to keep their sexual harassment away from evidences. And while he’s interviewing you for a task year later, you’ll look at his gold watch and think, Damn, this could have been me, if simply I’d boozed more in high school .

If you’re the type of person who enjoys reliving your majesty eras on video, try it with a sick projector designated from DB Power .

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