Can you attest you’re full of piss and vinegar despite your adorably long slams? Take this quiz to find out!
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1. Ever since your birth constructed the front page of a regional newspaper with the headline “The Lashed Wonder Is Born, ” the lengthy flogs adorning your eyeballs have been the prime act beings identify you with. Odds are at some phase in life you’ve been referred to as “Prince Long Lash” or “The Luscious Lash Lad” or “Eye Swain” or “The Gentleman Who Kisses With A Blink.” How do you respond to those kind of observes?
I grab the person’s head, yank out their eyelashes, glue them onto the ends of my own eyelashes to manufacture them even longer, and husk, “Damn right.”
I get self-conscious and try to trim my eyelashes to a less miraculous portion.
I flex all my muscles, beg them to acknowledge the throbbing veins I’ve achieved through workout, and question that they accept the veins as my “thing” instead of my eyelashes.
I blush, give them a flirtatious gaze flutter, and then situated a cigar out on my palm.
2. Your eyelashes are so heavenly long that although you did wrestling in high school to prove that you two are a hardcore goon-to-the-bone, you earned various championships simply because the thongs would forever tickle your antagonists into submission. The coaches even etched your memento with “1st Place In Cute-As-Hell Eyelashes” instead of “All-State Wrestling Champion.” Nowadays, when you inadvertently tickle person with your tedious lashes, what do you crush to make them know you didn’t “ve been meaning to”?
Their car, and their family’s cars, more.
Oh, I could never do something so bad, never.
I wouldn’t smash anything, but instead time get actually tense and arrange my veins so they spell out, “That was a mistake, but aren’t these even more striking? ”
I tickle myself with my eyelashes every time I blink, so I must demolish my own car.
3. Over its first year, you’ve found that people are unable to help themselves from commenting on your delightfully long nose plumage. If you had a nickel for every time a priest has stopped a church service simply to tell you that your eyelashes will go to heaven even if you don’t, you’d be rich AND anointed with segment of lash. If person were to ask you if your eyelashes were real, expansions, or glamour little skis that Tinkerbell are applied to move around the top of cupcakes on, what the fuck is you say?
“Listen up you fuckass fucking shit, my eyelashes are all-natural fowl spikes, because I’m the various kinds of hard motherfucker who’s always coming ospreys and armed drones in his eyes instead of gnats and big debris.”
“Hey … please don’t make fun of me.”
“Um, shouldn’t you be taunting my veins? ”
“Aw, you’re concluding me blush! I hear that all the time. In reality, the accumulation of glass shards I’m dating really told him that yesterday as I was get an anesthetic-free spinal tap while flossing with barbed wire.”
4. Which of these do people associate with you the most?
5. When beings at the gym are grateful for “being such a sweetheart” because your frondlike lashes fan them and keep them chill, how do you originate them realize that you’re the human baby of an elephant bull in musth and a handle of Wild Turkey infused with Mark McGwire’s steroid piss?
I lock the doors of the heavines apartment so no one can get in or out, I move the heat up to 100 measures so that my eyelashes are unable to cool anyone down in the slightest, and I do burpees until they take it back.
I sigh, go back to struggling to bench-press 20 pounds, hyperventilate, march on the treadmill for 10 minutes, get self-conscious around all the strong people, and then going to go.
I close my seeings and work up harder to get more veins. I can’t maintain making my long eyelashes get in the way of my trust and personal goals anymore.
I coyly wink, gesturing for them to come closer and enjoy the sail just before flinging 45 -lb. boobs onto my knees until they’re turned like a flamingo’s. From there, I do more squattings.
6. Lastly, be honest: Is there a line of people next to you who’ve produced their kids to pet your eyelashes? Are you going to get in their aspect and shrieking?
Yes, and yes.
Yes, and no. I’d instead not scare anyone.
Yes, and not unless they ask to pet my veins, very.
No, and yes.
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